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Robin
Sentinel


Joined: 30 Aug 2007
Posts: 3415
Location: Loveland, OH

Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 2:08 am Reply with quoteBack to top

This was emailed to me... thought it was too funny!

CHRISTMAS PARTY ANNOUNCEMENT

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 01, 2007

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room

at the Grill House.


There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have asmall
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be

over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

********************* ******************************


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 02, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. Howe ver,

from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not
Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung.

We will have other types of music. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty


*****************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 03, 2007

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign

your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I

put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be

anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money

and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NOGIFTS

EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


*****************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking

during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon
at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of
the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil
doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the restrooms.

Gaysare allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to
sit with Gay men, e ach will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangement for the Ga y men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing
allowed though.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
people with high blood pressure to taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: October 05, 2007

RE: The F******Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so

you can sit quietly at the tab le furthest from the "grill of death,"

as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar,

including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings,

too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm

hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from h**l!!!!!!!!

*********************************************

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 06, 2007

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the

meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party

and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

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UghMortgageBiz
Spontaneously Combusted


Joined: 12 Mar 2007
Posts: 2099

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 2:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

LOL, I got that one a couple of weeks ago. Funny.
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Underwriter
Wrecking crew


Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 1836

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 6:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

rmedecke - good one! Thanks for sharing.
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Merlin
Nitroglycerin


Joined: 29 Sep 2007
Posts: 738
Location: Bowels of Hell

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 10:54 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Priceless!!!
She must have had a stroke

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icenvegas
Schumpeter Reincarnate


Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 3896
Location: Las Vegas

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

you know whats sad... and I kid you not.. my wife's company did almost that exact same email, because a couple of the employees are jehova witness, so no celebration, instead, all employees got 25.00 gift cards.

They had the best XMas Parties.. black tie formal thing... wow.
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Merlin
Nitroglycerin


Joined: 29 Sep 2007
Posts: 738
Location: Bowels of Hell

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:15 am Reply with quoteBack to top

icenvegas wrote:
you know whats sad... and I kid you not.. my wife's company did almost that exact same email, because a couple of the employees are jehova witness, so no celebration, instead, all employees got 25.00 gift cards.

They had the best XMas Parties.. black tie formal thing... wow.


ALL THOSE WITH SELFISH INTENT WILL BE ESCORTED TO A ROUND ROOM AND ASKED TO FIND THE RED BALL IN THE COURNER FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT
How's That

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icenvegas
Schumpeter Reincarnate


Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 3896
Location: Las Vegas

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:19 am Reply with quoteBack to top

red is sometimes associated with holidays, thus they can not be invited due to discrimination of religion. You can not NOT invite them that too is discrimination.
Balls? Balls are like symbols of something religious I'm sure. Please be advised that all further festive thoughts must be abolished per new corporate policy. If you dont like it, please contact your new USSA ACLU representative..

sorry.. I got going on another thread about the supposed downfall of the US.. and I'm still fuming a little

I know people who can find corners in round rooms :-s
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Merlin
Nitroglycerin


Joined: 29 Sep 2007
Posts: 738
Location: Bowels of Hell

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:45 am Reply with quoteBack to top

icenvegas wrote:
red is sometimes associated with holidays, thus they can not be invited due to discrimination of religion. You can not NOT invite them that too is discrimination.
Balls? Balls are like symbols of something religious I'm sure. Please be advised that all further festive thoughts must be abolished per new corporate policy. If you dont like it, please contact your new USSA ACLU representative..

sorry.. I got going on another thread about the supposed downfall of the US.. and I'm still fuming a little

I know people who can find corners in round rooms :-s


Will they share that Medication??

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icenvegas
Schumpeter Reincarnate


Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 3896
Location: Las Vegas

Re: Xmas Party excuse
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:06 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm sure they'd be willing.. but.. I wouldnt trust it Wink
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